The Christmas Crash Course
by atlee
Summary: Chuck tries to show Sarah why he loves Christmas.


_This is not part of the story exchange. I just figured I'd jump in on the Christmas story bandwagon (I hope nobody minds)._

_I don't own "Chuck" but I do have ten lords a leapin, if anybody wants to trade. _Please._ They won't stop leapin, and it's really annoying. Anybody?_

**The Christmas Crash Course**

Sploosh.

Chuck lay down in the snow for a moment, before he felt someone pulling him back to his feet. He brushed the faceful of snow away, and found the blue eyes of Sarah Walker studying him intently. "That was smooth," she commented.

"I was hoping you didn't see that." Chuck replied, awkwardly shifting his ski boot-clad feet. "God, I hope a Saint Bernard didn't just pass by here."

"Of course I saw it. I'm supposed to watch over you, remember. Which means I also happened to see those hairpin turns you were making a few moments ago."

Chuck's face fell in worry.

"Don't worry, I saw them but Ellie didn't."

Chuck sighed in relief. The new Intersect tended to kick in at inopportune moments. Who knew all those James Bond movies were right, and spies really do need to know how to ski?

But, while Sarah knew all about the Intersect and Devon had come to assume that Chuck could do everything from piloting fighter planes to wrestling bears, Ellie didn't know about his secret life or his set of recently installed skills. She also knew that the only time he'd gone skiing, at age 11, he'd spent most of his time lounging in the lodge with his Game Boy. So, whenever he saw Ellie nearby, he had to turn off his newfound skiing talent. Unfortunately, the Intersect didn't come with an off switch, resulting in no other option but a series of awkward face plants.

Ellie skied over to Chuck and Sarah. "Chuck, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I guess skiing just isn't my thing."

"Chuck, I'm sorry about this. I really wanted to have Christmas at our new house, but with the remodeling and everything…" She threw up her mitten-clad hands. "When Devon suggested this, I should have thought of you."

"It's ok, Sis. It's Christmas, and we're together. That's what matters, right?"

"And I'm so happy you both are here with us. Our family." Ellie gave Chuck a pointed look, but he chose to focus on the passing ski traffic instead.

"We're happy to be here, Ellie," Sarah said. "But I think maybe we should take a break from the skiing and go inside for some hot chocolate."

"Of course, guys. You need your alone time."

With Sarah supporting him, Chuck stomped down the hill with his skis. After a moment, he saw that his sister had disappeared to find her husband. "So," he said, "race you down the hill?"

* * *

"That was amazing, Babe."

"Thanks, sweetie," Ellie smiled at the compliment. "I wasn't sure the turkey would turn out ok. The kitchens in these chalets really aren't meant for cooking big dinners."

Chuck and Devon had both tried to convince Ellie that they should go out to Christmas dinner this year, but she would have none of it. Her first Christmas as a married woman was going to be memorable, and neither a barely competent contractor nor a kitchen the size of a phone booth was going to prevent that. However, the lack of cooking space did mean that she wouldn't have to deal with any well-meaning but clumsy helpers.

Instead, Chuck and Sarah had found themselves peppered with questions about their latest mission from Devon. They managed to give a watered-down account of the adventure, leaving out the details about the Ring's latest gambit. Instead, Sarah seemed to emphasize Chuck's role in the successful assignment. Chuck had noticed that she often did this when Devon was able to get her to talk about 'work.'

"I'm not sure I played that big of a role," he commented to Sarah after dinner while Devon was in the kitchen helping his wife with the dishes.

"Of course you did, Chuck."

"Ok, I'll admit the swordfighting skills might have helped. But that wasn't really me, anyway."

"Of course it was you. It doesn't matter where the skills came from. And I'm pretty sure that whole switching from your left hand to your right trick was all you."

"It just doesn't seem right. You practically glossed over Casey fighting off those five agents single-handedly."

Sarah shrugged. "He isn't interested in Casey. And given everything you've done, it's nice for you to get some credit for once. Even if it is just from your brother-in-law."

A moment later, Ellie and Devon returned to the living room with two mugs of hot cider. "So listen, there's supposed to be a caroling trip later tonight. You guys in?"

"Oh, I dunno. I'm not much of a singer." Chuck didn't want to risk the Intersect causing him to suddenly burst into an aria in front of his sister. "I think we'll just stay here, and take in a little less musical Christmas."

"You sure? I'm sure it'll be fun."

"Oh don't worry about them, babe. I'm sure they have lots of fun Christmas activities planned."

Ellie elbowed her husband, and they went into their room to grab their jackets.

* * *

"So," Sarah said after Ellie and Devon had left. "What now?"

Chuck studied his cover girlfriend for a moment. They'd had their share of highs and lows in the last year, especially since he'd activated the new Intersect. He'd been worried that she'd refuse when he brought up going away for Christmas.

"I'm glad you came along," Chuck said. "I know you don't like Christmas and all."

"It's not that I don't like it, it's just…"

"That you never really made a big deal of it as a kid."

"Not really."

"Yeah, I just don't get that."

"Well, my father and I never really stayed in one place for long, and there never seemed to be much point…"

"To have a Christmas celebration in a strange place?" Chuck gestured around the room, and Sarah looked at the tree, the stockings hung by the fireplace, the lights strung across the room, and the various other Christmas paraphernalia that had been brought along for the trip. Nobody would ever guess that the place had only been occupied for two days.

"It just seems like you've been missing out on so much, so I decided that maybe I could so something about that."

"Oh? What exactly do you have in mind?"

Chuck walked over to a closet, and grabbed a big grey sack. "Sarah Walker, prepare for …" Chuck tapped his hands on the bag in an impromptu drum roll, "the Chuck Bartowski crash course in Christmas cheer."

Sarah gave him a blank look.

"Um…ok, maybe the fanfare was a bit much. I just figured I'd show you why I like Christmas so much, and maybe you'd get to like it a bit too."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Alright, Mr. Bartowski, you're on."

"Ok. Well, first I should warn you that this is going to be very intense. So, protective headgear is required." Chuck reached into the bag and pulled out a Santa cap. Reaching over, he cautiously put it atop Sarah's head. He waited for a moment to make sure she didn't rip it off, and then continued.

"Alright. Now, lesson one." Chuck pulled out a thick piece of cardboard and held it out for her to look at. On the other side was a picture of a snow-covered house.

"Ok, it's a cute picture and all, but I don't get it. And why are there all these little numbers on it?"

"This, Sarah, is an advent calendar. And not just any advent calendar. Every day, you open up the little door, and look." He pressed down on the number one, and a tree-shaped piece of chocolate appeared. "This shows you that Christmas isn't one night of fun, it's a whole month. Unfortunately, we're 24 days behind, so we have some catching up to do."

"Mmm," Sarah said after gulping down the second chocolate. "These are great, but I don't think I can finish an entire month in one sitting."

"Hey, I told you this was some intense learning. Now, on to lesson two." He pulled a DVD out of the bag.

"Cartoons?" Sarah asked, as she grabbed another chocolate.

"Cartoons? Sarah, Sarah, Sarah," Chuck scoffed. "These aren't mere cartoons. These are hour-long morsels of stop-motiony cheer. We've got 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' featuring the evil Burgermeister Meisterburger."

"The what?"

"Burgermeister Meisterburger. Think Beckman, but more small-town bureaucrat. He banned toys. Yeah, I know," he said when Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Evil was a lot more simple back then. But anyway, here's my favorite." Chuck lifted another DVD out of the sack.

"'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?' I know this one!" She paused for a moment "There's Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer and…um, Doc and Bashful, and…Shemp?"

"Wow. Clearly, Sarah, this lesson is not a moment too soon. I think we'd best leave the movies for later, and get to the music."

"I thought you told your sister there wasn't going to be any music here?"

"Well, not by my hand. Or by my vocal cords. But there will be music." He retrieved his iPod from the bag. "I've got all the classics here. The Waitresses, Bing Crosby and David Bowie – complete with cheesy intro, 'Christmas in Hollis'…"

"Dogs barking 'Jingle Bells'?"

"That's still in my stereo at home. Very handy for when you know Casey's doing audio surveillance."

"No wonder he was so grouchy the other day," Sarah commented as she reached into the calendar and gulped down December 7th.

"I do my best. Ah, speaking of Casey, we've also got 'You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.' I've been working on a Casey-specific version of that." He looked upward, and began to recite.

'_You're a mean one, Mr. Casey_

_You're a bug so full of hum,_

_You haven't smiled since the 80s,_

_And your heart is mostly numb,_

_Mr. Casey…_

If I were to put you and Bernie Madoff side-by-side I'd see that you have as much compassion in your entire body as he has in… _his little thumb_.'

"I'd keep that one to yourself, Chuck," Sarah said after he had finished. "I'm not sure I can protect you if that slips out."

"I'll consider myself warned. Now, let's see, where were we… Ah! Lesson four. Ornaments." He walked over to the tree, pulled one off of one of the higher branches, and showed it to Sarah. It was a picture of a smiling family, surrounded by a small frame painted in a child-like hand. "I made this in school years ago. Ellie's is up there too. Hers is nicer, but she did have the advantage of being older."

"Is that…"

"My mom. Yeah."

Sarah looked up and put a comforting arm on his shoulder. "She's beautiful. But how can you stand having that around?"

"Even though people are gone, it's still nice to be reminded of the good times when they were still around. See, my dad is in there too. Granted he's probably smiling because he's got visions of government supercomputers dancing in his head, but we don't have a lot of pictures of him looking happy like that."

Chuck looked back at Sarah, who was now digging back into the advent calendar. "What are you up to now?"

"The thirteenth," Sarah replied between bites.

"Alright, let's see what we've got. Ah yes, Sigmund."

"Sigmund?"

"Yup." Chuck stuck his hand into the bag, and pulled out a wooden soldier, along with a bag of walnuts. The soldier had a circular opening below its head. "Meet Sigmund, the nutcracker."

"That thing is supposed to crack nuts?"

"Sure, you put the walnut in here, and you twist his cap downward." Chuck did this, and Sarah watched as a wooden peg descended. When it reached the walnut it stopped, barely making a dent in the shell.

"That's not very practical." Sarah took the walnut, placed it on the coffee table, and slammed her fist on it. The walnut shattered, and Sarah handed a piece to a wide-eyed Chuck.

"Um…I'm just going to move on."

"Maybe you should have given him a better name. Sigmund isn't much of a name for a nutcracker."

"Ok. What do you suggest, Casey the nutcracker?"

"You should try singing your song to him, and see if the name fits."

Chuck winced. "Ok, this lesson has taken a violent turn. And that is definitely _not_ the intention of this lesson. I think the point here was that wooden nutcrackers are fun, even if they are completely impractical. Christmas isn't about being practical. Which brings us to this."

He removed a carefully wrapped package surrounded by a gold-colored bow from the sack. "Your present."

"Chuck, you didn't need to…"

"Of course I did. But…" he added hastily as she reached out to her hand. "You can't open it."

"Wait, why not?"

"It's still Christmas eve. Lesson six: Christmas is all about the anticipation. I know, a lot of people open their presents early, shake their gifts trying to figure out what's inside them, but that totally misses the point. The best part was the looking forward to what you were going to receive, not to mention seeing someone's reaction when they open the gift you got them."

"I see. And what is my reaction going to be?"

"Well, I guess I'll have to wait and see."

The front door opened and Ellie and Devon walked in. "What's all this?" Ellie asked.

"Chuck was giving me a crash course on Christmas."

"Seriously?"

"Yup. He was just telling me how the best part is waiting to open your presents."

"Really," Ellie stood there with her arms enfolded, your lips curled in a half smile.

"Did he also happen to mention how he used to feverishly tear up the house every December trying to figure out where his gifts were hidden?"

"No, he seemed to leave that part out." Sarah gave Chuck an amused look.

"Hey, wisdom came late to me."

"Well, wise brother, I'm pretty tired so I'll see you bright and early on Christmas morning." Ellie and Devon headed into their room.

* * *

"Anticipation, huh?"

After giving Chuck a briefly disappointed look, Sarah smiled. "That's ok. I'm glad you wanted to share what you love about Christmas. You're a great teacher. And that's _not_ from the Intersect."

"So what do we do now?"

"You mean no more lessons?" She reached down into the bag. "What's this?" She pulled out a small branch filled with white berries. "Exactly what were you planning on teaching me?" she asked archly.

"Um…"

"Somewhat inappropriate for a student and her teacher, don't you think."

"I just figured Ellie and Awesome might need an extra."

"Right." She stretched her arms and yawned. "Well, they have the right idea, anyway. I'm pretty tired." She walked over to the room the two of them were sharing. "I have had a really nice Christmas. Thank you for that, Chuck."

Chuck nodded in response. "Well, no hostage crises or Bryce crises does make for a better holiday season."

"Maybe so, maybe so. We'll see if tomorrow lives up to your lessons." She reached for the bedroom door. "Oh, Chuck?"

"Yes?"

"You may want to hold onto that mistletoe."

_Alright, cheesy and pretty much all over the map, plot-wise. But it was fun to write, and hopefully enjoyable to read. Happy holidays everybody!_


End file.
